just an opinion only

Three Golden Rules to Avoid

The Domestic Violence

A piece of PERIA AROGAN-CHOUDHURY, how to spot a potential abuser was printed in the magazine because a cute chick Susan, 18 was threatened to be killed by her beloved boyfriend, Sam. Absolutely, it is a down to earth shaking news, which make me post a question why Sam acted as a subject in doing such domestic violence while Susan acted as an object in receiving the domestic violence. The writer enumerated ten golden rules, but I will shorten it to three golden rules. We may understand why both Susan and San succumb into the domestic violence by looking into the stages of dating. There are three stages of dating.

First. Philia, a Greek word which means the camaraderie Love, the charm stage. As the ins and outs of falling in love always start with a charm or an enchantment period between a young man and a young woman. A young woman is mature enough to fall in love with a young man for some possible reasons which are as follows: expecting a good-looking boy, a rich man, good physique, smart boy, generous, a brave man, a kind man or with other word among them always saying the repeating phrases such…”it is a secret of mine” or “…they say just He an Me”. Yes, a secret is steadfastly a secret. While a young man, may get attracted to a girl for other reasons like being: lovely and slim lady are their main dreams. Nevertheless, they have different ideas of choosing a date, but the idea of the charm binds them as one. Then this part which is often called falling in love has getting started. It is a time when they can heartily share the ups and downs of the life with each other. It is always fascinating, giving the happiness, and the satisfactions to someone else because the philia has a requirement, is to insist that both sweethearts use their faculty of knowledge which they have.

Second. Eros means the sexual love. Here, the Eros just continues what have been bonded by philia. So, when both sweethearts understood well the philia automatically the Eros will be well expressed even if they are still premature or are not yet ready for it. It will be stupid, blind and dangerous like a car running without a driver. Since, the Eros just focuses on the sexual desire. Sometimes, the girls experience the frigility because some men only think of their own sexual needs, without attention to the philia. While the girls very need philia, first before indulging in Eros with the boy.

Third. Agape means the moral love; the other word for it is the spiritual love. The agape is the core of love. It vibrates from within, form our heart. It has been said that "we are created to praise revere and serve God our Lord through our love coming from our soul". It is obvious that the agape works at he spiritual affairs of our personhood which will support the love being more mature before it will be free to be moved. It means that falling in love is not easy any more to be played. It is further than that; it is fascinating activity which accompany a big responsibility if expressed. Absolutely, only the agape has faculties to imbue the both sweetheart to carry out their due and their obligation in the virtual way. The agape always requires us to be opened and honest to be able to reach what we call “prosperity” in our daily life.

The philia, the eros, and agape will continuously flourish when both sweethearts infuse the moral virtue in it. It will make the love more perfect. An example of this is a teacher, who is a father to 18 children, and grandfather to more than fifty grandchildren. Once, he said to our class that he married for fifty five years, but they did not quarrel. Yes, physically, they have been crimp, ridge, and gray haired but those do not hinder them to love each other until the end of their age. Wow, it is more cool, isn’t it. It seems they are very faithful, and responsible in their bond of dating. Several days later I found out that they have a golden habit that is why their love thrives. Actually, they have a legacy which has been with them for generations now. It is of being a churchgoing family. In terms of their family, and education back ground they are a down to earth family, which most of them just gained the quarta classe (grade four) at the Portuguese Education, in spite of many of them did not accomplish their Grade School, and most did not dream to enroll themselves in the High School and College, but they have unconsciously adhere to the three golden rules. They succeeded in doing the great things, most especially not, getting involve in domestic violence in their whole life.

The domestic violence which was faced by Susan and Sam actually can be resolved if they were patient first in seeking the right time and the right place in expressing the resolves. But they did not have such attitude, they escaped it right away. They neglected a essential factor which may possibly determines their future. Their involvement in the domestic violence has brought us to learn something important in our daily life. It is good that we tale a look at what they have experienced. They fell into domestic violence, not because they are still young, or they do not have enough the know-how. It is not also because, they abandoned youth where they were not nurtured early by their family. There are really none of these. Their core case is because of their pride. That is right, since the pride usually obstructs us to be open for dialogue. Of course, many people do not wish being always accommodating to others, because they know that being free will be more advantageous. What I mean is, that it has opened our mind that the pride drives us to refuse God’s love. It is quite painful, is it not! Do you still remember that when you were at school. Among your classmate, who is the most stupid in the class? In your mind I am sure that your answer would be a man or woman who always put the self high with PRIDE. This basic case made Susan and her boy friend experienced difficult in enjoying their love. Here, the pride is one of the sins which everybody have. According to the Catholic Church teachings it is one of the seven deadly sins. I can mention the other six, such as, the covetousness, the lust, the anger, the gluttony, the envy, and the sloth. It is just part of the guidelines to be paid attention. It seems that the pride, generally comprehended as a basic sin, which everybody may unconsciously has fallen into. But talking about these sins is another topic.

The domestic violence is hard to be avoided. It is a disease which has been affecting many of us. There is a way to minimize it. For instance, in our country, a group of people has formed the organizations such as the Women against Violence, the Sister Organization, the Women’s Media Circle and many others which have been involving young men and young women in the campaign against domestic violence. Even here in Ateneo de Naga University, we give support in reducing its incidence by establishing an organization which is called the Office of Gender Development. In my mind, those organizations have the same goal that is to prevent the domestic violence from happening. As of now, it depends on how each of us participates in fighting against the domestic violence.

 Nowadays, we can be satisfied with a number of development which may be achieved the Department of Education, and Culture. We feel proud of them for infusing their fresh program into school institution. For instance, in the kindergarten, the teachers teach the children to how greet someone. It is a good deed, absolutely and it is a essential program in the kindergarten too. Another good habit which should be common for the children is the prayer. As children, they are innocent, they record it literally then, they proudly practice it at home. Sometimes, we bored by their repetitive act but our families will earn great advantage since their son, their brother, or their sister will be practicing the value which will ensure his/her future moral life. 

We expected that when they grow up and become young man or a young woman, they will steadfastly be aware, to do the right thing for the greater glory of God and country.  The perfect early practice makes perfect in the future.  AMGD

I wrote this When I was in First year college at Ateneo de Naga University_Philippines_2007

To be submitted to the SRA's Director